


emotions, of all things

by whynotwrite



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex POV, Character Study, F/F, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 04:52:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16111193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whynotwrite/pseuds/whynotwrite
Summary: Two of the things Alex had never slowed down long enough to realize? The old news: she was gay. There was the Maggie fiasco, and Kara's unconditional support. Without Kara's warmth, Alex wasn't sure she would have survived that realization. And now: she loved Kara. No, not just loved. Was *in love* with Kara.Well. Fuck.She stares at Kara's face, blue eyes shimmering with tears she's trying to hold back, waiting for Alex to just say something.





	emotions, of all things

**Author's Note:**

> You know that fic where Alex has been in love with for Kara forever (pining and/or repressing, take your pick), then Kara almost dies, and it prompts Alex to say finally say something? Yeah, this is that but in reverse.
> 
> And yes, they both get the girl.

Alex has always been alone. She was an only child until 14, the mentality solidifying in her formative years. Her parents were both only children, meaning there was no extended family, unlike her friends, who seemed to have an endless cast of strange aunts and uncles and cousins. Even her grandparents were dead; between the four of them, they were taken by military service, a lab accident (chemistry in the early 20th century was particularly hazardous), alcoholism, and old age.

So Alex grew up alone, capable of being friendly at school, but preferring to come home to the solitude of books, her father's telescope, and her mother's lab equipment—reading the stars, the microscopic, and everything in between. Even when she ventured outside to play sports, which was often, she did those solo—her favorite was surfing, a battle to harness the unstoppable power and relentless waves of the ocean to achieve one's own ends.

And then came Kara. Suddenly Alex was never alone, from that minute onward. Yet for all that company, there was still distance—an isolating distance. Alex was just the ordinary human daughter, and Kara was the alien guest who had just lost her whole world. Then Jeremiah died, and Eliza provided in all worldly ways, but withdrew emotionally. Already burdened with being the protector, Alex had to lean into its weight even more. She played the role of the Big Sister, and though she came to truly love Kara after her initial resentment and teenage moodiness, Alex was still performing.

Hell, she even literally acted, hiding an entire life from Kara for years. From the day J'onn recruited her, Alex carved up her life into two compartments: her secret work life at the DEO (to better protect Kara), and her personal life—which mostly consisted of phone calls and sister nights with Kara. Alex had been fully prepared to compartmentalize these two lives until the day she died.

So it made sense that, when Kara came out as Supergirl, and Alex's two lives blended into one, it would prompt some... changes. Alex gradually felt less alone when she was with others—Kara finally knew everything about her, they knew the truth about J'onn, who was becoming a second (or third) father to them, and Eliza had softened to the point Alex even looked forward to their weekly calls.

Not to mention that Alex's sexuality caught up to her. Alex knows why she never realized it—she never stayed still long enough to introspect. Everything was about achieving, about impressing, about seeking approval, and—most of all—about protecting Kara. With her two lives merging, Alex could finally slow down. And it was terrifying. She suddenly had to grapple with emotions, of all things.

Two of the things she had never slowed down long enough to realize? The old news: she was gay. There was the Maggie fiasco, and Kara's unconditional support. Without Kara's warmth, Alex wasn't sure she would have survived that realization. And now: she loved Kara. No, not just loved. Was _in love_ with Kara.

Well. Fuck.

All of this—and Alex is starting to get a little hysterical now, in her own head, realizing that her inner voice is rambling in a way that could give Kara a run for her money, but in that kind of maudlin way that comes when you're one drink past being just buzzed, or coming off an easy high—all of these thoughts flew through her head in an instant, and settled down as resigned acceptance in the core of Alex's soul, as she stares at Kara's face, blue eyes shimmering with tears she's trying to hold back, waiting for Alex to just say something.

_Two days earlier_

"J'onn! They've got alien tech and Kara needs backup now!" Alex yells over the deafening sounds of the helicopter, watching in agony as Supergirl fights outnumbered. The video feed Winn managed to find and route to the nearest screen is grainy, but Alex can see enough to know this isn't a regular bank robbery. The weapons are too sophisticated; the way Supergirl staggers is too dangerous.

J'onn does his best to reach Supergirl, but he was held up by the oil rig far down the coast, and Alex was visiting the desert base. They're both at least minutes away, and this could get dangerous. Then the video feed cuts out—the security cameras nearby all blew out, likely due to the alien tech in play.

The DEO pilot's face is grim, and he pushes the helicopter as fast as it can go without endangering them. In what feels like an eternity, the National City skyline appears, and when they get close enough to the chaos, Alex throws herself out the helicopter before waiting the precious moments it would take for the pilot to land. She's done this move a few dozen times now, anyway.

Alex sprints past the people running the other direction in the street, dodging wrecked cars and debris and the wounded. She can't help right now, and she has to neutralize the threat, first and foremost. She gets just close enough to see Supergirl clearly—she's defending against mid-range attacks from at least five men that Alex can count from here, and the telltale green trails of their weapons in the air mean kryptonite. Alex is still sprinting toward Supergirl, drawing her weapon—designed to destroy tech and stun people—as she approaches, when a particularly nasty looking beam hits Supergirl square in the chest, and she drops to the ground like a stone.

"Supergirl!" Alex cries, inadverdently drawing the attention of her attackers. It works, in a way, taking their attention off doing more harm to Kara. One reacts the quickest, shooting at Alex, but she dodges and it only gets her in the leg. If it hurts, she doesn't have time to think about it. Alex uses the surprise of the others to take out two men quickly. J'onn arrives then and handles the other two. It's over quickly, the men clearly unprepared to deal with non-Kryptonian backup.

Alex is vaguely aware of DEO agents joining the scene, and she presumes they secured the area and searched for more unfriendlies. Alex's sole attention is on Kara, her face pale, suit torn, and bleeding—actually bleeding—from the places the kryptonite weapons tore through.

They rush Kara to the DEO med bay—the one in the city—J'onn flying Kara to the doctors waiting, and then flying back for Alex, the only person besides her mother really qualified to work on Kryptonian physiology on Earth. Alex deals with her own worry by focusing on the medicine: it's all about assessing damage, dealing with the worst of it, then checking vitals, assessing remaining damage, and so on. It's clinical and soothing.

Soon enough, Alex has done all she can, and it's up to the sun beds and rest to see Kara through. It was close—closer than ever, since Myriad, and oh lord does Alex force that memory down instantly—but Kara will make it.

Through her exhaustion, Alex is vaguely aware of someone else cleaning her scrapes and stitching a particularly deep cut, but she barely registers it. She's done her job, Kara is safe, and that's all that matters.

Alex wakes up to soft sunset peeking through the curtains in Kara's bedroom.

Kara is at her side in an instant, before Alex is even fully aware that she's awake—a change in her breathing or heart rate must have alerted her. She sits on the side of the bed, taking Alex's hand in between hers.

It turns out that Alex took more damage in that mission that she thought. The shot to her leg was from a sort of parasitic weapon, which should have killed her—and would have, if Kara hadn't found a cure from the hologram of Alura. They even brought in the big guns to synthesize the compound—Lena and Winn worked frantically to save Alex in time. Alex woke up once already, apparently, insisting that she was fine to go home, and caused enough trouble that the DEO medics approved Supergirl to fly her home. (Alex recalls none of this first waking, for the record.)

When Kara tells her this, Alex is actually sort of bummed out that she missed the excitement. Bioengineering is her thing! Winn and Lena are much more on the computers side of engineering.

Kara laughs at her, then quiets and looks away.

"Alex... I actually thought you were going to die. Everything went crazy, and then it was a blur to save you, and Rao—" Kara cuts off, swallowing hard and looking down at their hands, still intertwined.

"Hey, hey," Alex comforts. She puts her other hand on top of Kara's, and squeezes hard. "I'm here, it's alright. You did good. You all did."

This doesn't seem to comfort Kara, who takes a deep breath and suddenly straightens her back, her spine a steel rod.

"I panicked. A lot. And I thought a lot. And there's something I have to tell you. I don't know if you'll hate me after, or—or if things will be weird, and I can't lose you, but I almost lost you anyway and I never told you," Kara says in a rush, her voice trembling even as her posture never fails and she looks Alex in the eye.

Alex is kind of at a loss of what to say, so she does what she does best—she stays quiet and lets Kara talk at her own pace.

"Oh Rao, this is harder than I thought it would be," Kara half laughs, blowing hair out of her face in a huff. "Okay, I'm just—I'm just going to do this how I would write an article. Or start writing an article. There's a lot of editing, you know, especially with me."

Amused, but getting a little concerned, Alex clears her throat gently.

Kara responds with a sheepish look. "Right, yeah, rambling. Okay, I'm just going to say it. Say the main point, because that's the place to start."

Kara pauses again, her eyes tracing over Alex's face, as if searching for something. When Alex thinks of this moment later, she'll know that Kara was memorizing her, at the last instant before everything changed.

"Alex, I love you. Like, I love love you. The way you like like someone. I mean—oh Rao, I sound like I'm in fifth grade," Kara half laughs, half sighs. One of her hands lets go of Alex's to fiddle with her glasses, and then she withdraws the other to worry at the sleeve of her sweater.

"Okay, last try. I'm in love with you," Kara says, still looking directly into Alex's eyes.

And then... Alex isn't quite sure how much time has passed. Or where exactly her mind goes. But then comes the torrent of thoughts.

(That she was always so alone, until Kara landed on Earth, and even then Alex was separate. But their lives could never stay apart for long, and Alex's life had begun to feel real. She was finding herself now, and—yes. There it is. She was in love with Kara. And there's Kara, staring at her with unshed tears in her eyes, still waiting for Alex's reaction.)

Alex doesn't know what to say. She doesn't do words, not the way Kara does—carefree and excited in person, passionate and edited to be measured in writing. She can internally panic like a pro, but outwardly, it comes out monosyllabic or a little stilted. Sometimes awkward, when she lets her earnestness show.

So Alex does what she does best: she comforts Kara. She shows Kara what she doesn't have words for yet; Alex opens her arms, drawing Kara into a hug. Kara threads her arms around Alex and buries her face into Alex's neck, and Alex wraps her arms around Kara as tightly as she can, letting her thumbs rub soothing circles over Kara's back. She whispers soothing noises to Kara.

When finally Alex can speak, the sun is gone and the room is dark and quiet. She says, "I think—well, I know—that I'm in love with you too."

Kara freezes in Alex's arms. With her face still buried in Alex's neck, she says in a small voice, "Alex, you don't have to say that. Please don't pretend for me. I'll be fine, I promise. I just needed you to know."

Alex feels her chest constrict, and she grows impossibly fonder of Kara, the amazing woman she never really, fully saw as a sister, in her arms. Keeping her voice light, Alex says, "I'm not pretending. I just never noticed."

Kara seems to consider the truth of this. Alex knows that Kara knows her; it won't take long to work it out. And Kara shifts ever so slightly, putting just enough space between them that Kara can look Alex in the eye.

"You mean that?" Kara asks, though the hesitance is already fading from her voice.

In the dim light from the streets and moon outside, Alex looks at Kara. Really looks at her, not as a protector or older sister or even favorite person in the world. But as the person she's in love with. Alex reaches out to cup Kara's face, stroking her thumb over her cheek—an intimate gesture, which they've never shared before, even among their hugs and forehead kisses and everything.

"I mean it," Alex says. And Alex knows she should be freaking out. That's what she does: emotional repressing, a slow unwinding, and the rocky healing process that follows. But that was without Kara. With Kara, she feels strong, assured—unstoppable.

Alex knows she's finally managed to show what she can't say, when Kara's face breaks into the most beautiful smile she's seen on Kara yet.

When Kara asks to kiss her, Alex doesn't hesitate to close the minuscule gap between them.

**Author's Note:**

> My first ever fic—let me know how it went!
> 
> While I'm here, I just want to say that I really love this ship and its fandom. The authors and readers are amazing. I've been leaving kudos and comments around here for years without an account, so it's strange and exciting to be posting for the first time. Thanks for reading!


End file.
